You and I Are Probably Both Toddlers of Zen in the Grand Scheme of Things

Yesterday's post was sort of rushed, the kind of thing that comes when you want to say something, but are struggling with writer's block.

Anyway, I received the following comment on that post:

Yes, well perhaps you should actually find "peace and calm" before you attempt to push your idea of what it is onto other people.

If you must act as a mouthpiece for the dharma, we would prefer that you had something real to say about it.

That is just a quick tip from someone who's been practicing a hell of a lot longer than you.

And in that regard, it would benefit you to be open to that which has come before you, instead of pouting and stamping your feet like an indignant toddler whenever you are presented with something outside your comfort zone. As a student of the Japanese tradition, you should already understand that kind of relationship quite clearly, if you are actually serious about such matters.

At this time, I will step aside and allow nature to take its course with you - for better or worse. Good bye and good luck.

Usually, I just leave these comments go, but for a few minutes, I was just pissed off by this one. Not because I think the other post was "wise" or great by any stretch of the imagination, but because this just strikes me as flat out trolling. The kind of thing people do to just piss others off. The fact that it was anonymous just lends to that image, as does the deliberately insulting language.

There's been more of these kinds of comments in recent months. They might be from the same person, or they might be multiple people. I don't know. I have a couple of ideas as to individuals that could be behind them, but I'm not interested in moving beyond cursory level speculation.

One thing I have witnessed in the years of blogging about spiritual practice is a lot of people quitting their blogs over these kinds of comments. They give their writing away. Give their ideas, thoughts, and experiences - however muddled - away, and in return, they're body slammed by trolls and sometime regular readers as well. I'm not talking about bloggers who write obnoxious, inflammatory content. I'm talking about sincere folks, sometimes sharing deep from the heart, or taking a risk in offering something that might not be popular.

Not all of us have the ability to shake or laugh nasty responses off. And while some may argue that you should just develop a thick skin, I argue that if you're life is devoted to spiritual practice, your comments on blog posts should reflect that. Whether my words are soft and supportive, or more harsh and questioning, I try to consider how the other person will take them. Try to see if what I have to say might actually be about communication, and not just bashing someone on the head.

Anonymous, calling me an "indignant toddler" is an asshat move. You want to teach me something? Leave the insults out. If you think I'm a lost cause, that's fine. I never claimed to be an enlightened spokesperson for the practice. I'm a regular practitioner like most of the other readers here. Which I think you believe is a much higher number than it actually is. If your greatest concern is that I'm spreading "bad dharma" - don't worry, this blog's readership is tiny. Maybe you'd be better trolling the blogs of popular dharma teachers you disagree with. It's a better use of your time than pestering a small fry like myself.

What I think some readers easily forget about bloggers is that we're humans first, with all the usual struggles and maladies. Not every post is going to be gleaming with brilliance. Not every post is going to inspire nodding heads, even from the most aligned of readers. Furthermore, and perhaps most important, is the fact that we bloggers - even the most prolific amongst us - rarely cover the full spectrum of our thoughts and experiences of our chosen topic(s).

I'm well aware that public writing can give rise to all sorts of ego trips. I also am aware that I sometimes write contentious posts, during which I sometimes overstep the lines of what I know and don't know in terms of practice. As such, I'm grateful to regular readers who share a different take, show me where I've missed something, or even call out ways I might be violating the precepts I vow to uphold (Marcus, a former regular commenter, instantly comes to mind here.) There are times when even these kind of harsh, not terribly caring comments can arouse gratitude within me. But most days, I just think of all the folks who have quit writing, quit sharing their voices because they felt harassed and hated.

This post isn't a plea for personal sympathy. I've been a public writer for years, and rejection in its various forms doesn't destroy me. No, it's more a plea for more respectful discourse. Online and off. We can stand tall in very different positions and views without tearing each other to shreds. When I consider peace and calm, the ability to do this is one of the main things that comes to mind.

I vow to keep bringing this to mind, again and again, instead of letting the heat of emotion carry the day. That's all I really have to offer today. May you all be well.

The Culture Around Us Moves Within Each of Us

I thought it might be helpful to take a short look at Thich Nhat Hanh's version of the fifth precept, which is generally translated as not giving over taking intoxicants.

Thay writes:

Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful consumption, I vow to cultivate good health, both physical and mental, for myself, my family, and my society by practicing mindful eating, drinking and consuming. I vow to ingest only items that preserve peace, well-being and joy in my body, in my consciousness, and in the collective body and consciousness of my family and society. I am determined not to use alcohol or any other intoxicant or to ingest foods or other items that contain toxins, such as certain TV programs, magazines, books, films and conversations. I am aware that to damage my body or my consciousness with these poisons is to betray my ancestors, my parents, my society and future generations. I will work to transform violence, fear, anger and confusion in myself and in society by practicing a diet for myself and for society. I understand that a proper diet is crucial for self-transformation and for the transformation of society.

I have always liked how specific he is here, even if I don't personally follow it to the letter. What's beautiful about Thay's take on this precept is how very clear he sees the interaction between individuals and the social environment around them. In fact, he's really pointing out that popular culture, conversations, foods, and the rest are flowing through all of us to the degree that we ingest them.

Part of the reason I have been so adamant about commenting on the context of the Arizona shooting, and others, is that I can feel it's impact on my life. I can feel how totally not immune I am from the nasty accusations, the denials of responsibility, and the violence of the actual events. It's very palpable, and I live 2000 miles away from the site of the event in question.

When politicians, pundits, and other public persons defend hate speech and violent rhetoric, there's a ripple effect that makes it that much more difficult for truth and peacefulness to blossom.

When politicians, pundits, and other public figures base their visions of the world on personal attacks towards those they oppose, this makes it that much more likely that truthful and reasonable debate will be ignored and tossed aside.

When politicians, pundits, and other public figures turn those they oppose into evil enemies that must be defeated at all costs, then it's that much more likely people will believe that violence is the answer for our collective challenges.

When acts of violence are separated from the context from which they sprung, it makes it that much more likely that the toxins of said context will not be addressed.

When everywhere you turn, someone is taking violent events and turning them into money making sensationalism, it makes it that much harder to uphold any vow to not give or take intoxicants.

When people are more interested in defending freedom of speech than examining the impact of that speech, it makes it that much more challenging to practice and spread respectful, compassionate speech.

The culture around us moves within each of us. When this is forgotten, transformation and liberation are that much more unlikely.

Public Speech - Right Speech

There is a powerful post over at Bookbird's blog I urge all of you to read. It's heartening to see this relatively new Buddhist practitioner standing up with clarity and expressing the dharma in her own unique way without apology.

Today is National Coming Out Day, an effort to bring public awareness to issues impacting the GLBTQ community, and really, all of us, regardless of sexual identity. Here in the U.S., a string of teen suicides, one of which I wrote about recently, has illuminated the limitations of polls suggesting that more people hold Queer friendly attitudes than in the past.

As Bookbird points out so clearly in her post, how we speak to each other - the words we choose to use - sometimes have a much longer lasting impact than we might wish them to have. A comment made in anger by a Zen teacher awhile back still haunts her, for example, even long after apologies were made and others have moved on. Before you suggest that she, too, move on, read this:

As a new Buddhist my heart was breaking watching this craziness unfold, but I tried to stay clear. Until the teacher levels a particular criticism at the student. “You and your butt buddies...” he begins. Yes, yes, yes... his insult is to call this student gay. My heart fell into pieces, and tears leaked from my eyes.

Who are we? What do we stand for? And more than this, by our silence, what do we permit? What do we condone?

And did that teacher know that those words, said in haste, said in anger, would continue to bite at people? That words written in this way extend homophobia again, and tell me that my identified sexuality is just a joke to throw at people we dislike? That his comments would breed self hatred in some of our most vulnerable people? That I would read this comment and again wonder, how welcome am I in this community?

So to the Buddhist community I would like to say – make the link. Make the link between our everyday actions to the hurt that stays with others. Our words can become so casual when we are continually talking – commenting on blogs, tweeting, chatting on forums. But those words stay – and people who come after us will read what we say, and will think about the way we have said it.

What I love about this is the broader call to all of us to basically watch our words, whatever we are talking about. It's not always easy to do. Sometimes, we make mistakes. Big ones even. And that's part of the process of working with Right Speech.

I remember a heated argument I had with an old girlfriend. Our relationship was on its last leg after three years, with both of us having had piled up way too many grievances against each other, so that the particulars of that day really were about our whole relationship. I had spent several hours over the course of a week researching for an upcoming vacation we were going to take, when she suddenly announced that she couldn't afford to go. There was a threat of a strike at work, which I fully supported, but I couldn't get over how this decision was like so many others with her. She made a lot more money than I did, but somehow was often broke when it came time for us to do things together. I stupidly leapt from my anger about this pattern, called her "selfish," and went into a litany about various disappointments I had about her. And then I walked out of her apartment and didn't speak with her for three days.

It was a low point for me. And after a few more months of trying to keep things going, she told me she never got over what I said to her that night, and the way I said it. The relationship might have been doomed anyway, but that outburst on my part was a major factor in the drawn out and unclear ending that followed.

Fortunately for both of us, this happened in private. Sure, various friends and family ended up hearing about bits and pieces of our struggles, but it wasn't something left to hang in the public eye for months and years on end. There was definite hurt done to her - and amends I had to made. But it's not like the sometimes hate filled arguments and diatribes done in the public eye, which go on negatively impacting strangers long after the initial parties involved might have moved on.

This, to me, is one of the great challenges of the world becoming "smaller" and more globalized. Everything people say and do has more potential to impact strangers living half way across the planet. Obviously, this can be of great benefit when the best of the human experience is upheld for everyone. But it also can have terribly consequences when the worst is upheld.

Let us endeavour to give the best of ourselves to the world, and to work with our mistakes with an honesty and sincerity that transforms them into gold.

Tyler Clementi, and the "Little Secrets" We Spread About Each Other

I've been thinking about the freshman college student in New Jersey who committed suicide recently after a tape of him with another male student was spread around the internet. It's really easy to forget that our minds can go wild when our secrets are exposed, especially ones with a social stigma attached to them. In addition, it's really seductive to be amongst those in the "know," who first spread such information around, hoping to stick it to someone or a group of someones we don't like.

Tyler Clementi's case is an extreme one, but at some time or another, all of us probably dip our toes in the stream of gossip and/or sensitive information spreading. And when we do, we override memories of our own experiences of being surprised, or even shocked, when something secret came out behind our backs.

I'm not really sure how best we collectively can address tragic cases like Tyler's. The two students involved will probably receive jail time, and there will will probably be a lot of talk about cyber-bullying, homophobia, and the like. Which is fine. But I think it all begins with each of us in our everyday lives, watching our words, checking in on whatever variation of Right Speech our ethical code provides on a regular basis. Because there are many more Tylers out there counting on us to do so.