Thursday, April 8, 2010
Now that you've clicked on my blog post, I have to tell you this: I have nothing to say about Tiger Woods. Nada. Golf bores the crap out of me. The media, official and us in the "underground," is filled with sex scandal discussion, be it about Tiger, the Catholic Church, or the firing of the Palestinian President's chief of staff. Humans seem to love to pontificate about sexual ethics, but most of that pontificating ends up being a shit ton of hot air. So, there's your click on the catchy headline commentary.
In other news, life as the board chair of zen center is interesting. Lots of opportunities to place your desire to be liked in check, your hopes of appearing smart and on top of things in check, and your fantasies about having things under control in double check. I'm learning how to make decisions and let go of the reactions that come from such decisions. I'm also learning to make compromises without watering down the overall vision and goals at hand. Both positives in my book.
What I find so fascinating about the zen center board, the stagnation of my workplace, and life in general is how much clinging we all do around change itself. Things are good, so we don't want them to change. Things are shitty, but we're oddly comfortable, so we don't want any change. We have no idea what's going on, but it's easier to just sit and speculate about the future than actually strike a course, and move on.
Some people see me as a go getter, someone who has manifested a lot in a short period of time. There's some truth to that. But I can also sit and spin with the best of them. Two and half years ago, when the former leader of my workplace was about to retire, I told many people "I can guess what's coming, and so I'm leaving when she leaves." Well, I did pretty much guess what was coming, but two and half years later, I don't feel any clearer about what my next step is. Maybe a little clearer, but not that much.
Meanwhile, one of the hot topics of conversation at work this week concerned a broken down dishwasher, and whether it's time for a new one, or if people were simply misusing it. The thing has gotten run 4-5 times a day, 5 days a week, 49 weeks a year, for at least 6 years. It's finished. Bury it already. But these are the kinds of quandaries people get fixated on when the overall ship is sinking.
The grass is greener at the zen center, which is a blessing. But you know what spring is prone to bring with those well cultivated flowers most of us love to gaze at, don't you? Wild weeds, mosquitoes, humidity. That's kind of how I feel right now in the middle of developing our strategic plan - we've got a lot of wonderful flowers growing, and also some of those other three "friends" cropping up in the patches in between. Today, I've been taking up the practice of being curious and interested about those weeds, mosquitoes, and that surprise bit of sweaty heat. It's kind of fun. I've even laughed some about it all with a sangha friend of mine whose helping with some of the planning work.
So, to all of you out there. May you enjoy some lightness in your life, and may you be able to be curious and interested, even in the middle of the muck.
Posted by Nathan at 4:58 PM