The I That Feels No Terror

Let's take a look today at a little teaching from one of the first Buddhist nuns, Uppalavanna, in the sutra named after her.

the bhikkhuni Uppalavanna, having understood, "This is Mara the Evil One," replied to him in verses:

"Though a hundred thousand rogues
Just like you might come here,
I stir not a hair, I feel no terror;
Even alone, Mara, I don't fear you.

I can make myself disappear
Or I can enter inside your belly.
I can stand between your eyebrows
Yet you won't catch a glimpse of me.

I am the master of my own mind,
The bases of power are well developed;
I am freed from every kind of bondage,
Therefore I don't fear you, friend."

Then Mara the Evil One, realizing, "The bhikkhuni Uppalavanna knows me," sad and disappointed, disappeared right there.

In the Pali Canon, Mara often appears to be a devilish spirit that comes and goes, threatening to destroy everything in his way through various means. He looks to be outside of the practitioner, every bit the troublemaker that the Christian Satan is in the Bible. However, Mara isn't a separate being - Mara is our own troubled, ordinary mind.

"Though a hundred thousand rogues/Just like you might come here..." Where is this "here"? In the story, it's said to be in a forest, where Uppalavanna sits alone. You can imagine what it's like to be alone in the middle of a forest. Maybe you have been there yourself.

But I think this sutra is more than just about conquering fear while sitting in a forest.

I stir not a hair, I feel no terror;
Even alone, Mara, I don't fear you.

I can make myself disappear
Or I can enter inside your belly.
I can stand between your eyebrows
Yet you won't catch a glimpse of me.

Who is this "I"? It certainly isn't the "I" that I think I am in this world. This "I" is riddled with fear, and anger, and confusion, and all sorts of other things.

No, when I sit with this teaching as a city dweller in the 21st century, what I see is a calling to reorient ourselves to the "forest" living in each of us, and also all around us. That is "I" of Uppalavanna speaks of cannot be found in anything we can know or possess, because both knowing and possessing are forms of grasping.

In addition, given how we modern folks are so attuned to psychology and emotions, I think its' vitally important to sense that this "I" in the teaching that "feels no terror" is found nowhere else but within the very body-mind that is often riddled with various terrors.

And finally, I believe that us city dwelling, internet using, inside of building living types best heed teachings like this as calls to remain connected to the untamable wildness of the earth. It's good to remember that Buddhism was birthed during a period of great commercial development that led to a lot of society building, with an emphasis on economics, political power, and warfare. As such, I can't help but feel that the very setting of many of the Pali Canon teachings, and the ways in which the setting (in this case, a forest), teach us, are imploring each of us to see how who we are can never be divorced from the earth we live in.